Companion

We share different kinds of relationships with different people in our lives, simply because we have different level of comfort zone around them. Not every relationship has a name. Nevertheless, the unnamed ones are the most enigmatic of all.

Fortunately or unfortunately people have such relationship in their life. She did too.

It wasn’t friendship or love. She would call it her companion. Inseparable. Somebody who stood beside her every time others went the other way. But lately she felt like she was being completely dominated by this relationship in her life. It made all decisions for her and when she went against it, there was a drama that followed.

Like last night when she went out with a guy. As soon as she entered the house, she was questioned.

“Are you trying to replace me?”

She felt a bit guilty. Obviously she wasn’t just hanging around with a friend. She had agreed for a date. Moreover, she had a good time and also had clearly cheated.

“No. I was trying to get away from you for a little while” She admitted. She didn’t want to lie. Not in this relationship at least.

“Little while? I know you want to get rid of me forever. And you know what I don’t mind that but you know the consequences” The reply came from the master of manipulation itself.

She was a successful, confident woman for the outside world, but within the walls of her own house she fell into the trap of being manipulated every time. She clearly gave the control of her life to someone else.

“I know I owe you a lot for being there with me.”

“You know I came and held your hand when you were crying on that bench. Alone. I ran after you when you randomly left the house to walk on an empty street in the middle of the night. I agreed to move in with you because you didn’t want to stay alone. And now you are just done with me, aren’t you?”

Every word uttered was one hundred percent true. She had clung onto this relationship like a needy soul and it never disappointed her. But now she was tired of it. She felt like she was living with a psychopathic manipulator who always convinced her to not get close to anyone else. She wanted to end it, desperately. She couldn’t.

“I am sorry” She apologized. Like a subconscious reflex.

“You know I genuinely care for you. I understand you. I know you like this guy who messages you sweet things every day. You feel comfortable with him just like you do with me. I know you shared everything with him, your past and present. You might as well leave me. But you have to understand if you choose him over me, you are going to end up crying on that bench again. And this time you would have lost me as well.”

The thought scared her. Her companion was being bitterly honest. There was no constant relationship in her life but this. She could picture her companion being there with her, for her, every time.

“I know. I was just being stupid. I won’t meet him again because I can’t afford to lose you.”

Loneliness smirked as it effortlessly won the battle. She went to sleep ignoring the call on her phone. Alone again. Because her companion lived in her head, not her room.

– Sanketa Raut