Sometimes, interactions with someone are very brief. Few hours or maybe few days. Yet, that someone leaves a long-lasting mark in your heart.
That is my association with Lily.
She easily stood out among the five kittens. White as snow, with one black spot on her head. When it came to socialising, she would play around with the other kittens (who also loved her a lot) for a little while and then silently sleep in the corner of the box. Physically, she was the weakest among all. She reminded me a lot of my childhood. I was small and weak as a child. Introverted. Liked to stay with myself most of the time. Just like Lily.
Every time I picked her up and caress her, she would sit quietly and enjoy it. She liked the gentle stroking on her forehead. And when I would leave her on my lap, she would nicely get cosy and fall asleep.
Being a little weak, she had trouble keeping up with everything. While all her siblings had grown quite a bit, Lily was still meek. I felt like she needed personal care and attention. That’s when the thought of bringing her home came to my mind. She was barely three weeks old then. I never had a cat in my life before. Although I was fond of both, cats and dogs, I had zero experience in petting such a delicate soul.
Her thought did not stop crossing my mind every time I was away from her. I kept watching different videos on YouTube about taking care of a baby kitten. Read multiple articles about the same. And I was all set. I had a feeling Lily liked me too. She would love to be with me. I decided to take one week off from my work, as initially she would require extensive care and attention to improve her health.
Right when I got the confidence that I can do this and decided to get her home, she passed away the next morning.
Now suddenly I feel an absence in my life that I cannot explain to anyone. I get teary eyed every time I try to think about her. I shed a few tears silently when nobody is watching. Who do I go and talk to about my emotional outburst over a kitten who was mine in my head for only 4 days? Who is going to understand how deeply I felt for Lily in those 4 days? I have a palette full of feelings and endless words for what I felt for her. I don’t know how to give this a closure in my heart. That’s why I resorted to words.
I keep wondering if things would have been different had I got her home 4 days back without thinking. I keep wondering how I would’ve felt had I got her home, and wouldn’t have been able to take care of her. I keep thinking if she knew me, if she recognised me, if she misses me too.
Lily, I wish I had got a chance to express my feelings for you. But I guess fate had some other plans. And that’s life. Maybe our journey was meant to be for a short time, for reasons that I may not be able to fathom right now. I know I will meet you again in some other form.
There is a lot to say, but I will sum it up in few words.
Lily, I love you. You will always be special.
And this is a closure.
-Sanketa Raut
Samay and Solace 