23rd March 2024
‘How to get rid of writer’s block’…. I yawned as I typed these words in my Google search.
It was late in the night. I should have been sleeping. Instead, I was at my desk trying to write something. Or rather anything. Anything that can come out of my brain, through my fingers, onto the keyboard.
Albeit, my brain would fire few neurons, enough to only throw up one sentence and then go on a radio-silence.
5#$&*)*Hndk)(&Fn&#~——————————————————————————–(let’s assume that is how neurons fire to convey a message : P)
And to top it all, ‘I don’t feel like doing it’ is such a non-negotiable and an invalidly valid excuse.
This pattern repeated for a few days (or nights?).
To break it, my brain thought probably night isn’t the best time to write. (Yes, the same brain who couldn’t write beyond one sentence. And yes, I still took its advice).
I decided to get up early in the morning and try writing.
————~^($———————————L%@—————————-[&——————–
That doesn’t look good either. Few random ideas, but nothing concrete enough.
I tried again with an external nudge, a cup of coffee.
———————————————————————————————————-
Um! I enjoyed the coffee though.
After being stuck in this loop for what felt like eternity, after investing in daily planners, after spending hours watching productivity videos on YouTube, I realized I need to do more than listening to my brain’s advice.
I got myself an appointment with the inner sensible version, some people also refer to it as the inner voice. It is efficient and knows how to get things done. Amidst my busy routine we don’t meet often, but right now life seems like it is going a little out of my hands.
I slowly enter the inner voice’s room. This place has always fascinated me. The floor, the walls, and the ceiling are all painted pristine white, giving no sense of where the floor ends, and the wall begins. Zero furniture. Classic optical illusion as it makes the room look much bigger.
I can’t really see the inner voice, only hear it (probably why most people don’t interact or believe in it).
It made me sit down on the floor and answer a set of questionnaires. Mostly easy. At the end, it slipped a piece of paper towards me. The paper had some scribbling…
진단: 시간이나 상황이 아니라 글을 쓰는 동기가 부족합니다.
치료: 글을 쓰지 마세요. 밖에서 동기를 찾으세요.
I didn’t understand, so I used the inbuilt translator to decipher it, which read,
Diagnosis: It is not the time of the day or situation; you lack motivation to write.
Treatment: Don't write. Go look for motivation outside.
Equally cryptic! How can someone go looking for motivation? And don’t write? That’s like going to a doctor with breathing issues and the doctor advice to stop breathing. Weird. I tried to go back in the room again to ask for an explanation or any SOP for this treatment, but it was gone. There was only silence.
It is always very difficult to catch the inner voice.
So, I had to decode it on my own.
The next morning, I got up early and went to the park. The weather was pleasant, there was a sense of calmness in the air. Refreshing. The chaotic hustle bustle of the city and the impatient honking of cars had not yet started. People of different age groups were doing different activities, elderly were walking, athletes were jogging, a football coach was training many kids. Everybody seemed like they had a purpose to their visit.
I was clueless, strolling around and wondering.
After walking for a bit, I came across a Gulmohar (Royal Poinciana) tree, looking pretty, wearing a red cap. I went closer and asked,
“Hey.. where did you find the motivation to grow so tall and beautiful?”
“I don’t know what motivation is. I know how to do my job and keep growing. You can do the same” It replied to me with a pinch of annoyance (when did trees get so judgemental?).
“Okay buddy, you don’t have to be so blunt” I started walking ahead; clearly, I did not meet the right candidate to solve my doubt.
Nonetheless, it felt nice to breathe in this fresh air. After getting home, I ate breakfast, listened to music, slipped in 15 minutes to read a book, and then got ready to leave for work.
The challenge with adult life is that we must figure things out while still adulting every day.
I did not give up though and searched everywhere.
Inside the drawer, under the table, in the cupboard where all the files were stable. While listening to presentations, while sitting amidst cafeteria gossip giggles, in the animal laboratory where the mice nibbles. To take a look under the huge machine I ducked, but finding motivation was no luck.
The day ended with no success. I was back home and I caught sight of the paper that was still stuck to my notice board.
Diagnosis: It is not the time of the day or situation; you lack motivation to write.
Treatment: Don't write. Go look for motivation outside.
It was probably a prank the inner voice played on me. I fell for it. I don’t think there is anything like motivation that can be found outside. I went to my desk, opened my laptop, and decided to write about this experience I had throughout the day.
Anything that can come out of my brain, through my fingers, on the keyboard.
^%$*jg6%%#@jugsd08*^Rhjs{}’/%~[dan)+$#%@%(*)+_(@)!(+_”:khj$@%$&*&’:<ygsy$#%^*&Gnsdtc++Rjg&FG”:>jjhsd^&^&^#()][hg~`:&*#@!^~
Ohhhh……………. Now I get it!
-$@nk€T@ R@Üt
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